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MY SPOILERY AND EXTRA-WACKY STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS THEORY

My theory ties together John Harrison, the ridgeless Klingons from The Old Series, the augments from Star Trek: Enterprise, and the big, scary Dreadnought-class starship from the new trailer.

Here it goes.

SPOILERY SPECULATION ALERT.  STOP HERE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ WHAT MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT BE THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE.

Watch the trailer. Now here’s the premise that ties everything together. Events of Star Trek: TOS are canon up to the point that the Narada made a new timeline in Star Trek 2009, right? That means that many of the Klingons in this timeline still lack ridges (awwwww), due to the virus carried by the Augments, as shown on Star Trek: Enterprise. This observation explains why the Klingons in the new film (as well as deleted scenes from the 2009 film) have metal-ridge masks — they’re ashamed of their ridgeless foreheads.

Wouldn’t you be ashamed of having a weak human forehead,too? That’s no look for a Klingon warrior!

Also remember that Khan is an Augment. In fact, he’s the biggest baddest Augment.

I speculate that in the new timeline, Khan gets loose but not via the Enterprise (compare “Space Seed” in TOS, where the Enterprise discovers the Botany Bay and releases Khan). Instead, perhaps Starfleet gets wind of Khan’s existence and location via Spock Prime and stupidly (stupidly!) decides to release Khan and to enlist him. They give him a new name: John Harrison.

So Harrison/Khan gets P.O.’d at Starfleet. Maybe Starfleet is keeping his Augment buddies in cold storage in the tubes we see in the trailer. Wouldn’t that piss you off, too?

Alternatively, Harrison/Khan simply uses Starfleet for his own agenda. But I really doubt that: I think Harrison’s/Khan’s vendetta is one of revenge, it seems to be deeply personal. As we know, Khan is a prickly guy.

Khan therefore runs off with Starfleet’s plans to build a big new badass Dreadnought-class starship. He goes to the Klingons and gets them to agree to build the ship in exchange for helping the Klingons cure themselves from the Augment virus. (Quid pro quo, Clarice?)

Indeed, the Augment virus took away the Klingon forehead ridges, so Khan — having the virus inside his Augmenty greatness and possessing a “superior intellect,” can plausibly offer to help them cure it. Curing it also solves the “problem” of the Klingon’s appearance in movies occurring in the new timeline — once cured, young Kirk’s Klingons can have proper warrior ridges. (Ruffles have ridges!)

Stupidly, the Klingons build the ship (never, never ever trust Khan!), and then Khan kills them and absconds with the ship to wreak havoc on his destined nemesis, James Tiberius Kirk. Ultimately, Khan battles the Enterprise (as shown in the trailer). Fun ensues amidst crashes aplenty. Most probably, Benedict Cumberbatch’s character does not die to leave the door open for a wrathy return appearance as Sherlock Holmes. I mean, KHAAAAAAAAAAAN! 

Many tickets are sold. J.J. ignores Star Trek a few years for Star Wars. End credits.

Is this wacky?